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As I stood there in a room full of plastic white bags filled with bodies that once had beating hearts, I felt an unexplainable rush. My heart was beating faster than normal and my hands started sweating underneath the blue latex gloves covering them. That room was filled with a strong scent of formaldehyde that I will forever be able to distinguish. As the enthusiastic lab coordinator opened up the white bag, my mind did not immediately process what was happening in front of me. A dissected cadaver came to sight and I smiled.
I smiled because I was only 16 years old and there I was, standing in the same place that medical students stand. I was learning from the same bodies and appreciating how important those cadavers are to gain a deeper understanding of the human body. Around me, those medical students were each working on dissecting other cadavers and I imagined myself doing the same in the future. My ambitions and goals of working in the health field led me to that cadaver. I went from being an intern at Children’ Hospital for 3 years, to standing in the middle of an anatomy lab.
One day I hope to save people’ life and prevent them from becoming what I had in front of me, this surreal sight of emptiness and loss. I was proud because my 16 year old self was holding in my hand a heart that was once beating in order to keep a person alive. I was holding a brain, which kept all the memories, decisions, and feelings of that person. The only parts that remained covered with a white cloth were the cadaver’ head, fingers, and feet. The sight I had in front of me didn’t scare or disgust me. On the contrary, I wanted to stay there for longer and admire the human body that lay in front of me. The whole experience changed my mindset.
It made me ask myself so many questions that no one has the answer to. It made me ask myself what the meaning of life is. What is the point of living when we are all going to end up like the cadaver in front of me, lifeless? What is the point of going to school for 1/3 of my life, getting a job to make money, and follow all of the rules society has, when we are all going to end up lifeless? I still don’t really know the answer to this question and probably will never find out. However, this experience changed me because it made me realize that yes, even though we all die, my death might matter to a 16 year old going on a trip to an anatomy lab, just like it did to me. That body died to be appreciated by science enthusiasts, just like me. It made me appreciate life even more. I felt a level of maturity I hadn’t felt before. I didn’t run or scream as soon as pale fingers and toes came to sight. Uncomfortable situations no longer scare me. Before this experience, I was scared of death and what it meant. I now know that death is our life-long companion and will always remain beside me. It doesn’t terrify me anymore like it used to.
My current career goal is to become a surgeon. Combining my passion for science and the ability to save lives is what I want to do in life since I know it will bring myself and others happiness. Waking up looking forward to each day, going to sleep content, not being stressed out about things that I am not capable of changing – these fill my body with happiness. I now know that happiness, is truly what I want in life. After all, life is not eternal. I will end up like that cadaver one day, and when I do leave the planet I call home, I want to leave happy and fulfilled, knowing I created a life worth living.