Components of My Identity
Many events that have happened throughout my life have had a huge influence on different parts of my identity, but two are the most significant to me, both of which I remember vividly. Despite the fact that they were very upsetting and had the potential to discourage me and impact my personality in a negative way, I used both of these experiences to grow and become the person I’m proud to be today:
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The pounding of my heart echoed the sound coming through the front door of my empty house as I slowly backed away. While quickly glancing at the window next to the door, I noticed a shadowy figure lurking close by. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew he was there; somehow, a man was attempting to break into my house while I was all alone, and I was terrified. I was paralyzed in shock and fear, I never thought this would happen to me, I thought it only happened in movies. I racked my brain for ideas on how to protect myself, from the one self defense video I watched on YouTube to the numerous action movies I saw, yet all I could think was, “this can’t be happening”. I was only twelve years old, I had no idea what to do in this situation, and the part that scared me the most was the fact that I was home alone.
Before I could even process what was going on, I ran to the back of my house and threw the back door open, hoping I would be safe in the backyard, hiding amongst the trees. My hand fumbled around for my cellphone in my back pocket and my finger landed on “1” on speed dial, my mom. I forced myself to choke out the words as I explained the situation to her. All I remember was her trembling voice commanding me to call 911.
After hastily hanging up on my mom, my fingers shakily typed the numbers into my phone and I waited anxiously as it rang. I somehow managed to stammer out what had happened yet again to the police, trying to keep my cool while also including the fact that I was at home all alone, despite the fact that it was the part that terrified me the most. While they told me to remain calm and that they were on the way, I trembled as I could feel the tears threatening to spill out of my eyes and down my cheeks.
The banging had subsided and been replaced with footsteps. I had no idea how he had gotten in, but I heard the man stomping around my house, probably looking for something to steal. While I was hiding behind a tree in my backyard, my heart started to race faster as the thumps of every step became louder and louder. Suddenly, I heard sirens and my body almost collapsed in relief.
Unfortunately, despite the fact that the cops chased his car throughout my city, the man responsible for the robbery was never caught; he managed to escape with thousands of dollars’ worth of jewelry, laptops and cameras. I did find out, however, that he had gotten in using a crowbar on my flimsy wooden front door. After my mom rushed home from work, she said how sorry she was for not being able to be there for me when I needed her to help and protect me. However, she said she was proud of me for being independent, brave and taking action all by myself.
Granted, multiple robberies take place in every American city almost every day; my experience, although rare in the safe area that I lived in, isn’t exactly unique. However, the impact of the event on my personality remained even after I absorbed, processed, and slowly forgot the robbery in the following months. The night after the robbery, I remember having a vivid dream of the exact situation happening again and I woke up in a panic. However, I found comfort within myself knowing that I got through it once and could get through it again.
Ever since then, I’ve been working on changing myself for the better. Instead of looking at the robbery as a negative event, I view it as a learning and growing experience. Confident wasn’t a trait that anyone would use to describe me before this event, I used to be very dependent on everyone around me: my parents, my friends, my teachers, etc. I always felt that I couldn’t handle any difficulties I faced alone. However, the robbery allowed me to open my eyes and become more aware of the world outside the secured shelter my parents had set up for me, which I truly appreciated. I became stronger and braver, emotionally and physically. I felt more comfortable in my own skin and I started to act bolder. I wasn’t afraid to be myself and I felt like I could overcome any obstacle that life put in my way. In addition, the idea of leadership was a concept I started to embrace. I now enjoy being a leader who inspires others to be confident with themselves. Now, the ability to assert myself threads its way through my home life, my personal life, and my work life. Hopefully, in the future, the independence and confidence I gained through this event will continue to grow so that I can pursue a career in leadership and so it will allow me to achieve my definition of success.
In retrospect, I realized that the robbery taught me that clicking “1” on speed dial won’t always solve all my problems. I learned that I can be independent and that I can be there for myself when no one else can be. While answering the police officer’s questions, I came to the realization that I survived this traumatic event by myself. Knowing that I could rely on myself made me feel powerful and it was definitely a feeling I’ll never forget. Along with confidence, I felt proud of myself. Proud that even though something terrible happened to me, I got myself through it and have been maintaining a positive attitude ever since. My confidence caught up to my abilities and allowed me to transition from being a follower to a confident and independent young woman. Many might call my family and I unlucky because of what happened to us, but I consider myself lucky because of the positive impact it had on me.
The second event happened more recently, about a year and a half ago. It was the perfect first date: dinner and a movie. After dinner, we walked quickly towards the movie theater, hand in hand, almost bursting with nervousness and excitement. As we got closer and closer, the smell of buttery popcorn filled our nostrils and the sound of screaming young children got louder and louder. This wasn’t surprising; we were going to watch Inside Out, an animated movie meant for children 10 and under. As we approached the theater, we walked by a traditional Indian family and the mother shook her head when she noticed us. The father in the family whispered something to his wife while both of them gave us very disapproving looks. Surprisingly, this is something we were used to as a young Indian couple.
¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Traditional Indian culture dictates that dating before marriage is looked down upon. In my predominantly Asian high school, only very few students had experiences with having, acting on, or even realizing they had romantic feelings for other people while the majority of my school solely focused on their studies. Despite the fact that my parents lived and spent the majority of their lives in India, like most traditional Indian parents, they instead decided to take a different route and raised me in a more liberal manner that differed from the norm because they felt that I would benefit from that lifestyle the most. Going against the conventional Indian culture did come with consequences though, unfortunately. People that adhere to traditional values criticize the way I’m raised as if I am a disappointment to the culture itself. Indian children are expected to spend the first part of their lives solely focusing on their education and being successful without getting distracted by factors like dating or a social life. Looking back, there was no way I could be confined to the limits of strict Indian culture; the person I am is very outgoing, adventurous and curious. This lead to me experiencing and learning things that most Indian people my age never did because of how strict their parents were. The fact that I was, and still am, criticized for being the person I am truly did hurt a lot; I felt as if some of my friends’ parents told their children to stay away from me because I could be a bad influence on them. Many of my peers would always have to sneak around their parents because they knew their parents would not approve of what they were doing, and this made me a target of jealousy because of all the freedom I had, which also led to problems.
However, I decided that I was able to benefit from a different set of values and have managed to maintain a positive attitude. My parents want me to have the opportunity to learn from participating, instead of just telling me what to do and what not to do; this inspired me to want to raise my children in this way in the future. Although applying this freedom makes me more prone to criticism, it also makes me more confident and assertive, as well as stronger. These characteristics allowed me to walk away from the traditional Indian family at the movie theater that day instead of being hurt by their judgment. Despite the fact that initially I felt hurt, anger, and embarrassment, I felt proud of myself for my unique upbringing. I have my own perspective on life which allows me to make my own decisions and learn from them.
¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Learning is about experiencing things, not just academics. In my opinion, I feel that the most effective way to learn is by personally experiencing things compared to learning from other people’ experiences. The way I was raised and the different significant events I went through throughout my life made me realize this. Being able to escape a robber that stole most of the valuable items from my home all by myself and disregarding the hurtful opinions of those who stick very closely to my strict culture have allowed me to become independent, competent, and open-minded. I’m proud of myself for taking this experiences and learning and growing from them to become a better person, instead of looking at them as experiences that could negatively impact me and my personality. I want to continue to grow and learn about what the world has to offer. I want to be able to mentor my peers and future children so that they can experience life to the fullest. After all, aren’t the best life lessons learned from personal and direct experiences?