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For the longest time, I never thought I was enough. My parents divorced when I was little and growing up, there has always been stigma around having divorced parents. Some people called this childhood of mine “broken” because my parents weren’t living together, therefore I would lack empathy and compassion. Others said this childhood of mine would greatly affect how I would grow up to be. They said I would have a higher chance of derailing my own future. But here I am, an undergraduate student at UC Santa Cruz, with the intention of majoring in Community Studies and minoring in Education.
One would ask, how did I get here? What changed from the so-called “broken” childhood I came from? To be completely honest, my childhood wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows. Growing up, I had a tumultuous relationship with my dad and my stepmom. I struggled with accepting my dad’ remarriage and my own demons of self-acceptance. Every weekend when my mom dropped me back at my dad’ house, I cried. I cried every weekend, for months. I didn’t know the reasoning behind all of my tears and I blamed it on my dad. I allowed myself to believe that the pain I was feeling or going through was because of my dad’ infidelity. Therefore, as one could guess, I also wasn’t a big fan of my stepmother either. I began to shut everything out. I was slowly, but surely, succumbing to the image that children with divorced parents had.
Fast forward a decade later, I’ve been living with my mom for a few years now and I was admitted into a non-profit organization called Summer Search. Summer Search begins their recruitment during the sophomore year of high school. If admitted, students would be provided with a mentor, a college advisor, and two fully funded trips. Once I was accepted, everything changed. For my first trip, I embarked on a two week rock climbing and backpacking course. I was fifteen at the time, the youngest out of everyone. On this trip, I faced many obstacles, such as: the environment, engaging in activities that were outside my comfort zone, and spending thirty-six hours alone with a bag of trail mix. Ironically, the time I spent alone is the most important part of the trip. In the thirty-six hours I had, I was able to reflect on more than just how this trip was going for me. I was able to think about my life, where I stood, and what I wanted moving forward. This is where I found my spark.
I realized the power I had to make a change, in my life, but also in others as well. I successfully finished these two weeks of what my mom called “bootcamp” and the following summer, I put my realization of wanting to make a difference into testament. For three weeks, I spent my time in Costa Rica building a playground for the community, educating children about animal care, and stepping out my comfort zone through fun excursions. This second trip was exactly what I had needed to solidify that burning passion I had inside of me. When these three weeks were over, I realized that helping others and making a difference was exactly what I wanted, in life and in my career path. However, I didn’t want to follow the generic path that Asian parents expected of their children, which is to become either a doctor or a nurse. Therefore, I have chosen to major in Community Studies with a minor in Education. After receiving my Bachelor’, I hope to move on and earn a Master’ in Public Health.
These past years, I have constantly worked on my relationships with my closest friends and loved ones. And now, I have reached a place where I couldn’t be happier to be at. I’m no longer defined by my parent’ choice of not being together and I’m no longer known for being the child who has an incomplete family. Instead, I am the girl who found her spark and used it to her full advantage. I am the girl who has a great desire in helping others. And I am the girl who has redefined who she is as a person.