Vulnerability
Something I try to stay away from,
As I tenaciously hold on to the brink of a cliff that is about to collapse
Amidst brawny, relentless figures that want to see my demise
Yet I still continue to hold on to something that is no longer feasible,
My hands blister and bleed But they will not see me fall,
They can’t see me fall.
I won’t let them see me fall.
I live a life that is a false truth
Hiding my true emotions, thinking I always have to be happy
Masking my vulnerability That should not be the case
Yet I still let it take place
But the truth is, I get these waves of depression
And the high tide sets in.
Each wave crashes into the surface of my brain, persistently forcing its entry into my chemical alignment
Depleting myself of serotonin,
Haunting my every thought
Lingering to each breath I take, as I struggle to keep my lips from quivering, my eyes from watering,
My heart from sinking.
Too late.
The tsunami has arrived.
I’ve drowned in my own sea of melancholy.
Why am I like this?
Why do I contribute to my own killing?
The moments I am supposed to be filled with the most joy,
Are the ones I want to hide away from I’m surrounded by loved ones, who are laughing and cherishing each moment
Attempting to spread their loving frequencies towards me,
But I can’t feel them
They have been blocked by my own mentality.
I can’t help my heart from feeling heavy, like an anchor that wants to bury myself into the ground.
I want to get away
Please take me away.
Last Christmas, I kept wanting to cry
I finally broke down
I felt like I let her down
I didn’t want them to see me like that
I don’t know why this happens
I can’t help it
I can’t stop it
Amidst a group of people, I feel horribly isolated I start to get anxious
My self-esteem plummets.
Why can’t I be like them?
Smiling, dancing the night away,
Experiencing never-ending bliss with each step they take
Forming connections with each joke they say
My demons prefer to occupy all the space in my mind I get trapped in the nexus of time
As I wait for my sadness to subside
Every second it worsens
Every minute is a step closer to my complete demolition.
My heart becomes so heavy I can no longer hold my body up
I’ve been broken into tiny specs of dust
And blown away by the breeze
I am no longer there
I am merely an observer
But I am not there I am an outsider
So this is me
Exposing my vulnerability
No longer succumbing to the tendency
To hide it
This is me
No longer imprisoned by any thoughts of desolation
This is me
No longer drowning in my own sorrowing
This is me
This is me
Completely free