It’s Not Only What We See on the Surface
I have black hair, dark brown eyes, and brown skin. Looking at me, people might think they know my ethnicity right away. They usually assume I’m just Indian, but I’m actually part Chinese as well. My dad’s full Indian, while my mother is half Chinese and half Indian, which makes me a quarter Chinese and three quarters Indian. Even though most people can’t see it, being Chinese is a part of my identity. Our identities can be made up of many things that other people don’t realize or that we don’t even realize ourselves. We are the languages and cultures we are exposed to. It affects the way people perceive us and how we perceive the world around us.
My grandmother is full Chinese and I’ve lived with her ever since I was born so I was raised in a household that was very culturally Chinese. I learned to speak Cantonese before I learned to speak English. I lived on a street in San Francisco where most people spoke Cantonese when you heard them on the streets. People who talked to my family on the streets or in the grocery stores were always surprised that an “indian” girl was able to speak to them in Cantonese. This experience growing up made me realize that I shouldn’t judge someone’ identity just by looking at them and assuming.
When I entered middle school, I was one of the new kids, most of the people in my class already knew each other because that school went from Kindergarten to 8th grade. I looked pretty different compared to my class which was made up of people that were mostly Chinese. I’m pretty shy so it took me awhile to start talking to people and getting comfortable with them. During P.E. we had to play a lot of team games that I wasn’t really good at. I remember I heard some of the girls complaining about how I played and saying something not so nice about me in Cantonese because they thought I didn’t understand. I don’t remember quite what they said because I think I’ve chosen not to remember but I do remember that they apologized about later on when they realized that I had understood them.
My aunt and grandma told me similar stories that have happened to them. For them it was the opposite, they’re Chinese but they speak Hindi because they were born and raised in India. My grandma told me about an experience she had around the time she first moved here to the United States which was in the late 90′. She was on a train by herself and there were two girls sitting behind her. My grandmother had coconut oil in her hair that day, and she’ probably put it in her hair everyday since that day. Well throughout the ride, the two girls sitting behind her on the train that day kept complaining about how her hair looked and how it smelled like coconut. They were speaking in Hindi of course because they probably thought for a fact that my Chinese grandmother would not know what they were talking about. At the end of the trip my grandmother said something to them in Hindi which made them feel very embarrassed. They apologized and my grandmother reminded them to be careful because you never know someone’ identity and what language and culture they are familiar with.
My aunt told me a similar story that happened to her when she was a waitress. The group of people she was serving were being quite loud and rude. They kept complaining in Hindi about the service and when they received the check, they complained about how much the food costs. When my aunt went to pick up the check, she smiled at them and casually said something to them in Hindi. One guy’ face turned bright red and he repeatedly apologized.
My own experience along with the stories my grandmother and aunt have told me has taught me not to be quick to judge somebody’ identity. We don’t really know somebody until we talk to them and learn from what they tell us. We can learn a lot from people by speaking to them and asking about their background instead of just looking at them and assuming.
It also taught me something else that should be quite simple and not hard to do. We should just be kind and courteous towards one another. The people in these stories were immediately embarrassed and sorry after they realized they were understood. We should be nice to be people no matter if we know they understand us or not. If we know another language, we shouldn’t use it to talk bad about other people, rather it should be used as a way to bring people together and connect with them.