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In my childhood, a great deal of my views were shaped by television. For a great deal of time that was fine, until one day I started to think more critically about what I saw and realized that numerous aspects of my life did not fit what I saw in media. Which led to my first shocking realization: I am not white. As ridiculous as it may sound I still distinctly remember asking my mom what had happened to my skin because I was certain it used to be lighter, to which she had to explain it never was. Although, that example is one that is more lighthearted in nature, it does demonstrate the power of media and its ability to socialize so effectively. Negative consequence number one: despite the fact that I grew up in a mostly Hispanic community I still found myself ashamed of my culture, and even more strangely I was not the only one. How was it that in a community of children just like me we still felt ashamed of our heritage? I remember hearing the Spanish music play at family parties and thinking that it was embarrassing, even ugly. I thought my family was too loud, and although I had been mostly fluent in Spanish I decided I was embarrassed by the language as well. It was never on TV, so I thought it was weird, I thought my family was not normal because we did not follow the strict outline of families in television. I pulled away from my culture because I saw people make fun of different aspects of it. I felt like my experience was under attack, but I was too young and too concerned with fitting in so I chose to assimilate because it was just easier. To this day I still feel the consequences of that decision that I made at such a young age. Now, I am shamed by others for not being invested enough in my culture, I am not latina enough for them, but then again, I was not white enough for them either. It fills me with a distress that I could never accurately articulate. I molded myself to be accepted, and suddenly when my culture is acceptable I am shamed for ever having been ashamed. However, that was not the only effect television had on me. Which leads to negative consequence number two: it took me fourteen years to realize that all those girls who I just thought were super super cool and pretty were crushes, not friend crushes, crushes. Period. In media I only saw relationships between boys and girls; of course this began to change over time so I knew being gay was possible, but I just did not think it was possible for me. Typically after someone comes out in a show or movie you will hear something along the lines of, “I have always known even from a young age” and because of this I immediately assumed this meant I could not possibly be gay because I would have known from the start. This, however, was not the case, so instead, I convinced myself I had crushes on boys, and that those strong feelings towards girls were those of envy, or a strong desire to become friends. I broke my own heart over and over just for the sake of fitting in. Even when I had finally begun to question my sexuality I still doubted myself because of what I had been taught about being gay. It took me so long just to become comfortable with my own sexuality because I had never seen myself properly represented. Consequently, for a long time I pitied myself for not having the courage to be proud of my culture and for not being able to make sense of my own feelings. However, in highschool, I was privileged enough to meet numerous individuals who transformed the way I viewed my identity. In my junior year of highschool, my US History teacher constantly preached about identity and the importance of not only understanding the history behind it, but also being proud of it. It was not until this class that I finally began to have pride in being Mexican, and it even led to me dedicating multiple assignments to learning more about the history of my people. With her support, I was even able to write a twenty-page research paper about social movements in Mexico, and I am forever grateful to her for giving me the opportunity to become more connected to my culture. Beyond cultural identity, she also preached about sexual identity and went out of her way to include LGBT+ history in her lessons. Her passion to uplift underrepresented communities made me realize that as a Mexican, and a part of the LGBT+ community there is a long history of struggle and triumph, and I should take pride in the resilience displayed within both communities. This realization was what it took for me to realize that oftentimes the most important lessons are those that are never taught, that are too sad for TV or that are too niche for movies. My childhood, and the way I was socialized taught me to shame, but in growing up I realized the cost of giving in to this shame. I take pride in myself because I know there is no other option. There has been so much fighting just for the right to exist and I will not let my embarrassment mask my privilege. I can live peacefully now due to the actions of these communities in the past, and I refuse to take that for granted. Just because their struggle is not highlighted in media does not discredit their experience, and now that I can think more critically on issues beyond those in mainstream media, I am able to live more authentically and be content with the identities that define me. I am no longer ashamed, and I will never mask parts of myself to appease others ever again. I am many things, and one of those things is unabashedly proud.