Blindsided
DEFEAT. Crimson letters assembled on my computer screen to sadistically laugh in my face. I saw, but did not feel my own limp hands slide off my keyboard and mouse. I did feel, however, the wrenching suffocation of a sudden and unexpected defeat in League of Legends. Through a stupidly dangerous mixture of haughty overconfidence and bad mannered banter, we slipped up and threw the match. From the direction of my kitchen, a shout could be heard: “Dinner, Anfernee!” It’ really not my policy to skip meals and a heaping mound of white rice with roast duck is a well known cure for bad moods.
Shielding my eyes as I adjusted to the recently installed fluorescent bulbs in the living room, I made my way into the kitchen. Wordlessly, I rinsed four bowls and filled each with ample amounts of rice. Like a seasoned waiter, I brought all four bowls at the same time to lay them onto the dining table. It was then that I noticed that my dad was already home and seated at the table. “You’re home early today, dad.” His reply was oddly giddy: “I couldn’t wait to see what happens tonight.” Wait. What exactly was happening tonight? I scrambled to find the always lost television remote. With a click, I only needed to see the headlines to realize what was happening: “First polls closing on election night”. I genuinely could not believe I nearly missed the election.
Politics. Neither my family nor I had any deep fascination or involvement in that field. As a Chinese immigrant family, bills and policies never really involved or affected us. My mom in particular had weak English skills and knew only the basics needed to get by in her hotel maid job. Fancy words like “Democrat” and “Republican” never really fit into her basic repertoire. My dad on the other hand, really only cared about anything that might affect the current state of affairs with our home country. Though kind and warm to anyone he considers a friend, he has very strong and sometimes toxic opinions towards certain topics such as Japan and America’ global presence. I never really saw any sign of him aligning with any particular political stance, so I just assumed he wouldn’t really care about the outcome of this election.
In fact, I even saw him staring at photoshopped pictures of Trump sent by my uncle through WeChat and giggling loudly. At this point, my sister and mom had both joined us at the table and judging by the decibels of our stomachs, we were all about ready to eat. Looking up from my bowl, I snuck a glance at the TV to see exactly how this farce of an election was going to go. I didn’t really fully understand how the US electoral system functioned, but had a basic enough idea to get by. I could only assume that the fact that Trump had a 16 point lead meant that Hillary Clinton was not exactly doing so hot. On closer examination, I assumed that it was to be expected due to Kentucky and Indiana being red states. “Everything’ going to be fine and dandy. I have absolute faith in the decision-making skills of Americans over the age of 18.” These were the only thoughts going through my mind as I munched on a piece of steamed cauliflower.
“Yeah! Beat that ©äÂ≠ê(demeaning Chinese slur towards women)!” At this point, it was only a matter of time until Clinton would lose the election. My dad’ sudden exclamation shocked me out of my lull and I gave my sister a questioning look. Her face was down, but her posture was enough to show me that she was equally surprised. I took the initiative: “Why did you say that dad?” “Well obviously that’ because she is not fit to lead this country,” my dad replied without hesitation. Taking our looks of confusion as a sign to elaborate: “She supports the Japanese and is willing to do anything to play their friend. This will only hurt diplomacy with China. Remember that we are Chinese in the end, not Americans.”
Looking back at it now, I would have very similar opinions if I were in his shoes. It’ logical that the country you were born and raised in takes priority. Most of his family and friends live in Guangzhou and he would do anything to make sure they’re doing alright. If Clinton had plans to develop the US alliance with Japan while stonewalling China, it would only make sense to support her opponent if that would ensure peace. At the same time, it still came as a shock to me that my very own father would come out to support such an undeserving man. I believe that he has been misled and blinded by his impassioned fervor for China. I think it is reprehensible to ignore all of the greedy and power hungry moves made by Trump in the past. His actions, historically, cannot be ignored as my dad has been doing. Instead, they are clear indicators and signs of the treacherous road he plans on paving for the US in the future. It’ obvious today that president Trump has not exactly maintained a friendly relationship with China, so who knows if my dad was right in choosing him over Clinton.
We were evidently appalled and shaken. My sister, with tears forming rapidly at this point, put down and her bowl and walked away. With a slam that could be heard throughout the house, she shut the door to her room to presumably process this newfound information. I, on the other hand, was stuck at the dining table to listen to my dad go through his reasoning. I realized at that point that I did have an opinion about this whole matter one way or another. Regardless of the fact that it has probably been greatly shaped by my hometown, San Francisco, it is my own nonetheless. Perhaps not having the lived experience of Japanese war crimes weakens my own narrative when juxtaposed to his own. Even so, I know where my morals lie and they most definitely do not align with our president’. However, I did not seek further conflict with my dad and merely sat there listening to him talk. He described Trump as the “lesser of two evils”, believing fully that they are both terrible candidates, but claiming one is less harmful to the country.
DEFEAT. The words were not emblazoned on a screen this time, but flared up in my head regardless. And in the end, the victory went to Trump. I recall the upset and defeat from earlier and shudder at the thought of it being a premonition for this turn of events. Were we, as a country, too overconfident in our ability to elect a just and qualified president? My father had every right to his opinion, but perhaps I should have elected to push forward my own as well even if it’ not encouraged to talk back to your elders in Chinese culture. His reasoning was blinded by his zealous devotion towards his home country and lacked the substance that a proper argument should have. It’ difficult to convince someone otherwise when their idea of the truth is so vastly different compared to your own. His position in this world and society is one that makes Trump a more suggestive and appealing candidate. What does that then say about the political discourse of our country?