Untitled
My name as most people know is Thomas Kan, but my real name is actually Thomas Lomeli Barajas Santiago Rodriguez Kan. Life for me has always been double-sided, I belong to two of the most culturally diverse ethnicities in the world. My mother hails from Ocotl√°n, a small city in Jalisco, Mexico, and my father is of Chinese descent who was born in America. My parents raised me with a constant mix of love, discipline, care, and humility. I grew up as an only child in San Jose, California, a city thriving in diversity and ideas. Identity for me has been one of the most complex aspects of my life; a collection of race, residence, family, friends, and important life events. The beginning of significant moments in my life took place in Chaboya Middle School, which just so happens to be one of the most difficult times in my life. No developing boy or girl should ever have to go through bullying. At the time, I wasn’t sure about who I was, what I believed in, or what I wanted to be, and I was vulnerable to people who didn’t like me. I was also in a relationship with a girl who emotionally abused me. The combination of self-confusion, bullying, and abuse lead me to be severely depressed, and eventually to be suicidal. There were two times where I attempted to take my own life. Fortunately, I never went through with it, and now I am able to look back and be thankful that I made it past that dark point in my life. My parents noticed that I hadn’t been the usually happy and outgoing child that I was, and I told them about what was going on in my life. As a result, I transferred schools in search of a new start. I ended up at Valley Christian, a private school in San Jose. It was halfway through my eighth-grade year, I had been tossed into a brand new environment with people I didn’t know, surrounded by a religion that I had no concept of. At first, I completely rejected Christianity, I couldn’t comprehend how a good God would let me go through the trials I had been through, and I still struggle with that idea today. However, there was a small patch where I started to believe. I found a church that so many people had spoken highly of known as Venture. The first time I went was incredible, but the second time had a message that has since driven me away from Christianity. It was a message I will never forget, the pastor spoke about how we are all like the vines on a plant, and those that twist away from the center will rot and die and be tossed into the fire. I never understood how people could follow a religion that places fear ahead of love, and punishment before salvation. Besides religion at my new school, I had finally begun to make lifelong friends. People accepted me for who I was, it was at this point that I finally had a change in the way that I thought about life. No longer was I filled with sorrow and pessimism, I had finally started to feel happy again. As eighth grade came to an end, and summer came around, it was finally the time that I got to go to camp. Since the fifth grade, I had gone to the beautiful Sequoia lake every summer to attend Camp Redwood. Camp for me was the perfect escape from city life and the 2 weeks where I got to spend time with the most amazing people that I only got to see once a year. However, in 2014, Camp Redwood shut down due to a lack of campers. I was devastated, my home away from home was taken away from me and there was nothing I could do to change it. I ended up going to another camp known as Camp Campbell in the Saratoga hills. In the summer of 2015, I met a girl named Alisa. Almost 2 and a half years later, she and I are still together, in fact, she’ right here in this school. I never believed that someone could affect my life in such a drastic way, but thanks to her I have become a better person who strives for improvement and being the best version of myself. To go from being depressed to the happiest I’ve ever been is one of the greatest realizations I have ever come to and the biggest blessing I’ve ever received. High school for me was the most eventful period of my life so far. Although difficult, I was able to do well in high school, and I did better thanks to the amazing support from my new friends and role models. High school was where I truly realized who I am. It was a place where I wasn’t judged, I was able to express my creativity and be proud of who I am. Since middle school, I had begun to surround myself with positivity. My idea of life is just to be as happy as I can be, after being depressed for so long it was all I could ever want. It was also when I discovered my love and passion for photography and graphic design. I took three years of photography in high school; ending up featured in my school’ art show, as well as designing the logo for and being published in our school’ first ever photography magazine. To this day, I still continue to widen my skills and improve my understanding of the art, and I’ve even begun to start my own clothing brand. Another skill that I picked up during high school was speaking Spanish, although it is not a language I am proficient in. The reason that I decided to learn Spanish was because people have criticized me for not being able to speak it my whole life. In fact, a stranger once berated my mother and I for not being “real Mexicans”. My people have been oppressed for hundreds of years by a multitude of races, and it appalls me that within our own community we try to oppress each other. Like Gloria Anzald√∫a discusses in Borderlands/La Frontera, “[quiso] poner candados en [nuestro bocas]”, which translates to “they wanted to put locks in our mouths” (Anzald√∫a 54). I have felt what it is like to be discriminated against because of the color of my skin. People have locked their car doors when I walk by, people have glared at me without even knowing me, store employees follow me around their shops because they think that I am stealing, sometimes people will even move to the other side of the street. It is sad that people treat me like I am inferior because of my race, especially in a state with more Spanish speakers than there are any other races. I hope that through the protests and uprisings that this country will change its view of my people and all the other races that are oppressed every day. Growing up, my parents never put an emphasis on ethnicity as a part of who I am; however, I took it upon myself to learn more about my culture and make my races a part of my identity. I took for granted how unique my heritage is, but now I can say that I am proud to be Mexican and Chinese. I am a textbook example of globalization, and I hope that with my unique perspective and those with similar backgrounds that we can change the way the world thinks about what it means to be human. Our country is becoming a population of multiple races, and we should use that to bring the cultures of the world together. As Cohen and Kennedy mentions in their Thinking Globally book, we should “activate and seize control of the dough of social life through the yeast generated by [our] own capacities for critical self-determination” (Cohen & Kennedy 60). Together, we can build an interconnected society with diversity around every corner, reducing racism and the censorship of people who were once considered inferior because of their skin color or language. While my story has been no easy ride, I am thankful for the trials that I have been through, because every obstacle is a means for me to build upon myself. Identity isn’t what we are born with, it is what we form through hardship, lessons, and our desire to be who we want to be.