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I am one of the 100 million Americans who live with chronic pain. Chronic pain is pain that is caused by an inflammation of the nerves or dysfunctional nerves, and will last a lifetime. Chronic pain can be induced by a multitude of different diseases, but in my case it is caused by severe Scoliosis. Scoliosis is the curvature of the spine and occurs in about seven million people in The United States. It can range in severity based on the degree at which the spinal cord is curved, and my case is so severe that surgery is the only way to fix the curve and end the pain that I encounter everyday.
I was diagnosed with Scoliosis when I was sixteen, but I have had the condition since I was eleven. One day I noticed that my rib cage was crooked and the left side stuck out and appeared to be twisted, so I told my mom and we went in for X-rays with an orthopedic surgeon. I have never had any serious health problems prior to this instance and I was terrified. I remember walking into this cold doctors office preparing for X-rays and being told by the doctor that there probably wouldn’t be anything wrong with me; therefore giving me and my parents false hope. About a week later I received a copy of the X-rays by email from the orthopedic surgeon and they revealed that my curve was at a 45 degree. Surgery is recommended when the curve reaches 40 degrees, so it was extremely shocking to me that I had been living with very severe Scoliosis for at least four years. I felt guilty for the stress that my parents were experiencing because I had never spoken up about the pain I was feeling before because having back pain was my idea of “normal.” As I continued growing, my condition just became worse; my spinal cord would not stop curving until I stopped growing. All of my pain that I has been feeling in my back finally made sense, and my body dysmorphia only got worse. I would always look in the mirror and stare at my crooked rib cage for hours and just cry because I didn’t feel beautiful with something so strange looking and so different from my friends. I felt horribly ugly and I avoided social situations, pictures, and always compared myself to others. And on top of my body dysmorphia, I was always in excruciating pain and didn’t know how to deal with it. I went untreated for about six months and that was easily my lowest point in life.
After six months, I began going to a chiropractor and a physical therapist. Even though these two activities helped me manage pain, it was not a long term solution. The only solution to Scoliosis is surgery, which can be incredibly risky. Because my curve is primarily in the thoracic region of my back, the surgery would be comparable to an open heart surgery; all the same risks and the same recovery time. As a sixteen year old I did not want to go through with the surgery because the scar would extend vertically across my whole back and add to my body dysmorphia, and I did not want to have long metal rods placed in my back compromising my mobility. Still to this day as an eighteen year old, I have not had the surgery and the pain has only gotten worse. I go to the chiropractor twice a week and to the physical therapist once a week which helps me manage the intense pain I feel everyday. Since been diagnosed with Scoliosis, I have also been diagnosed with chronic pain due to the permanent damage my shifting spine has done to my nerves, so even having the surgery would not end the pain once and for all.
Over the years I have learned to deal with my conditions as best I can, and they have made me a stronger person. I am not defined by my conditions, but I have been shaped as a person by them. I am a harder worker than I was, I appreciate life and my friends and family more than I did in the past. Having these conditions motivated me to strive for success in high school, which allowed for me to go to UCSC. Even though I still deal with chronic pain everyday, I have found ways to cope and continue my academic career no matter how bad my body aches while I’m sitting up writing a paper, or walking across campus to my classes. I know that I need to achieve here at UCSC to make all of these years of striving to be my best and overcoming all of the odds against me worth it.