To the one who I thought was the One
One way or another I was bound to meet him, as he is my best friend’s cousin. I met my best friend, Bianca, when we were both four years old, our sisters and parents already friends. Over time we became like sisters and attended each other’s parties and family events. That’s where I first saw him, Vidal, we were both little kids and I didn’t really care for him besides someone else to play with at Bianca’s parties. I easily recognized him in my second-grade catechism class. This little boy with big ears and chubby wrists with the typical gold bracelet that most Mexican children wear. He was incredibly quiet and awkward, but it was nice to know someone in the class. After completing catechism, I didn’t really have any contact with him. It wasn’t until the summer before freshman year that I was reminded of his existence. Bianca invited the both of us to the movies with her for us all to bond in a way since we’d all be at the same high school. Bianca and I waited for him outside the theatre, the July heat melting the mascara off my eyes and giving me a slight raccoon look. When Vidal finally arrived he quite literally took my breath away, and honestly it was not because of his good looks. You could tell puberty wasn’t done with him just yet. He was tall and thin, the whole glasses thing going on and he was still painfully awkward. But deep down I knew he was very special, and I instantly panicked because I knew I was crushing on him already. To my utter devastation, I found out he already had a girlfriend within the first few minutes of meeting him again. We exchanged phone numbers after the movie and mocked Adam Sandler’s terrible acting. We again did not really communicate until the school year began since we had health class together. With each conversation we had, I felt more and more comfortable to naively ask him to the Sadie Hawkins dance freshman year. I thought maybe there was a possibility of him being interested in me. During the dance I realized I really liked this awkward dorky kid, but he also realized that he did not want anything more than a friendship with me. My ego hurt and bruised, I quickly ran to a relationship with someone I had to force myself to like, someone who would emotionally abuse me to an extent. We were so wrong for each other and it took nearly two years for us to realize it. After a few months after my first break up my junior year, Vidal came back into my life. He came back at a time when Bianca and I were not on good terms, so he kept our friendship a secret from her. Our conversations were kept through texts, but due to our awkward demeanors I thought it was for the best. It was through these conversations that I found an equal in him. Our conversations exceeded the typical teenage conversations and fell into a realm where we questioned everything. From our existence to religion and conspiracy theories. I did not have to dumb myself down to not intimidate him, if anything it encouraged me to learn more. Yet again, our friendship came to an end as I expressed my feelings to him and he could not reciprocate. I tried to be understanding but my ego took another hit when I found out he was in a relationship shortly after our friendship ended. I decided to cut him out of my life again for my own health. During this time, Bianca and I our rekindled our friendship and avoiding him was very difficult especially when we shared so many classes our senior year. I allowed him back into my life as he dealt with another breakup, and had made up my mind that our friendship was purely platonic. Our group of friends became extremely close and I considered him one of my best friends, I had learned how to keep my feelings at bay and knew to keep them to myself. It wasn’t until our senior prom that I noticed him acting differently towards me. I was completely taken off guard when he asked me to dance, and felt some type of hope within me. And although I tried to quell the excitement in my heart I could not, but I still had some fears that this would be like every other time. I was wrong, well at least for a while. He finally felt something for me, and after the four years he saw what I had seen all along. We were good for each other, and we finally began dating. Our first kiss, the one I had waited four years for, was soft and everything I had expected, and I could not stop smiling like an idiot afterwards. But that kiss led to promises of forever and dreams that were simply unattainable, yet we made these promises and plans like naïve children. We promised each other that four hours would not be a problem, but a new way to bond. We made our promises and vows laying on my trampoline under the summer stars. Yet midterms and quizzes and missed facetime calls were our demise. And four years of learning how to live without him went out the door, and I fell into a pit of despair. Not knowing how we’d gotten there when a week before we hugged each other and continued to promise forever to each other. I began blaming myself for not being good enough but came to the realization that I am more than enough. I do not hate him, I do not think I ever will be able to. Thanks to him I’ve learned that I most certainly do not need someone to validate my importance, that although he may be my soulmate it does not mean I am his soulmate and even made me question the existence of soulmates. Thanks to him I’ve realized the importance of love from friendships and family. I learned that I have so much to offer in every capacity and my need for knowledge and change has been reignited. I wish him nothing but the best, and I pray for his safety and happiness but I was the best for him.